Captured by the glory

I've been meeting a friend for a my early morning, sunrise, runs, so I am often focused on our exchange and perhaps less inclined to consider the morning around me. We do, however, always notice it. That is one of the beautiful joys of running- we engage nature. We are enveloped in the air- damp or dry, heavy or light, hot or cold, breezy or still. We are also graced with light, the brightness of it varying by the time of year or by the clouds. Of course we usually only note the extremes, and just as in life, the comfortable lulls us into a bit of sensory dullness.



This morning was perfect, but slow steps matched that dullness of an unawakened mind and unawakened senses. I had hardly started my watch when I finally looked around and noticed the sky and location of the sun. It was simply captivating. My eyes saw glory and it woke me up. There wasn't much to say at such a sight but to praise the Creator and to wonder at the gift of such beauty. There wasn't much to do, but to match my steps to excitement of the glory and run just a little lighter. I just wish I could have shared the sight with Leo and showed him that the God who made the clouds he was wondering about yesterday... also makes such glory at the very early moments of the day. Sometime soon we'll share such a moment and his senses will be captured as well.

Going Backwards

Leo has just recently become interested in doing things backwards and upside down. While hiking in the Smokey Mountains, he decided he wanted to walk backwards up the hill and now his little potato head and friends all have their faces on, upside down.

So, since the weather took a fall-ish turn this morning, Leo and I headed out for a run with the park as our end goal. Unfortunately, the sun had not risen far enough for his stroller sunshade to protect his eyes. The sunglasses weren't pleasing this toddler either, so....... I turned the stroller around and pulled him (I still ran forwards) backwards. He was delighted.

I smiled to myself as we passed folks along the way who probably didn't understand the reason for this backwards way of 'pushing' a stroller. Sometimes though, doing things backwards is fun and provides a different experience that may not seem important to me or other onlookers. We still moved forward (albeit little more slowly) going backwards. Speed isn't everything, every time.

Football Season.... brings a lot of people together....and moves a few apart

Football Camp began just a few days ago and I am still adjusting. For fans, football camp hardly affects their time nor does it really begin to draw them into the game quite yet. However, not only are the players and coaches in an intense few weeks of training and meetings and practice, but those of us attached to a coach are in a shocking 'training' session as well. All of the sudden, our coaches (husbands and daddies) are gone from early mornings to nearly the middle of the night. Yesterday our only chance for some Daddy time for our toddler was sitting in the back of his office while he watched film and studied with his position players. He was pretty satisfied with a few minutes of racing Daddy up and down the long halls before we left.

No matter what it is, whether it is family time, personal time, or workout time- if it is limited, it either becomes treasured or it is discarded as 'impossible'. As the football season starts, I think it is somewhat of a gift to have this built-in reminder to cherish time and to find ways to keep priorities straight under tight constraints. Little things, little habits, little disciplines in the area of time management add up to big things and big successes.

This morning I had a long list of things to do in about 60 minutes- the time that my 'coach' had at home. I had to choose between running or doing a workout, reading my Bible in quiet, making a hot breakfast for the boys to share together, and a few other things. I simply couldn't do everything. Sometimes, we cannot fit in all of our 'priorities' in one day, and that is the time to revisit how those priorities rank next to each other and choose the most important for that moment.

Today will have to be a 'strength' training day sometime during a lull in Leo's need for attention- perhaps around nap time. It is pretty easy for me to skip this, but I am reminded today... little things add up to big things and choosing to spend at least 20 minutes exercising will give me a boost in energy and give me strength for the next day.

Time, or the lack of it, isn't an excuse... it is an opportunity.

Mountain Roads

Just recently we met up with family for a few days in the mountains. My siblings and their spouses are pretty active, and when we get together, we enjoy hiking and running and any outdoor activity we can manage. We found a lovely cabin situated on a mountainside, surrounded by a whole village of cabins and chalets. Since we were traveling with our toddler and my brother's infant, our adventures were adjusted to meet their needs, not to mention the need for caution during pregnancy.

Running up and down hills like the ones available to us outside the cabin was a challenge. I simply could not run up every hill, and my actual running time was about 1/2 of what it is at home. At first I doubted whether I would be able to run at all, but even with all the walk breaks, I got a great workout and most importantly, really enjoyed the change in terrain and scenery. Running along a mountain road gives any city runner a new challenge, works muscles in different ways, and allows for mental break from the daily routines into which we tend to settle.

Since most of my running is done solo, it was wonderful to share the road with my sister-in-law. We enjoyed examining the many different cabins and chalets along the way, and then there was also the added excitement of bears lurking nearby--she actually spotted one on a run. The largest animal we usually prepare for are dogs that are affected my pepper spray. The boys informed us that the bears would require a little more deterrent than the everyday grade of protection I carry.

So, running on mountain roads can appear extremely intimidating, but the rewards of a different workout are great. Just proceed with great caution. There might be bears lurking around a corner.

Summer Delights

There is nothing better than a laughing, happy child, and summer time offers so many wonderful opportunities for delighting our nearly two year old. From chasing bubbles, to playing in our pool, to running through sprinkler's and fountains, Leo has found sheer pleasure in the most simple things.

As far as I can tell, Leo is running and enjoying every second of it. In fact, one of his favorite games is to 'race'.

So, what happens between the time when running is a playful childhood 'sport' and the time when somewhere in adulthood running becomes 'work' and not a fun game anymore? I'll admit, there are days when running feels like work and something I do because I know it is good for me and will improve my state of mind. However, very few of us can force ourselves to do something we truly dislike for decades.

Maybe all of us runners find something in running that does remind us a little of the delight we found in racing, chasing, and running through sprinklers. If I have a choice, I'll always run for 'fun'.

Great Runs- now or never

Over the past few days I have enjoyed some pretty wonderful early morning runs. As this is my second pregnancy, I expect to struggle through this first trimester with running. I recall feeling so tired that I would run 5 minutes and then walk, run 10 minutes and then walk for most of my workouts until I reached my second trimester. Well, thanks to Leo, I cannot choose to sleep in (6:30 am) and run later in the day because not only is it too hot for me to enjoy, but I would not put Leo in the stroller and run in the heat we've been experiencing.

So, while it is complicated to be pregnant with a toddler, I'm finding that I am making choices that have actually improved my pregnancy experience so far. It is a good example of how responsibility can improve the quality of life. While I had a lot more 'freedom' when I was pregnant the first time (even working 60+ hours a week), my freedom wasn't all that freeing since I often put things off because I was tired or didn't feel well. I'm tired, and I don't often feel great, but now I know that the opportunity to do something is lost when I put it off. It is now or never...

So, flexibility is great, but too much flexibility can hinder our daily goals and thus our quality of life.

Revisiting Goals

So, I've revised my running goals a number of times over the past few years. I've found that there are plenty of circumstances as a mother that affect one's ability to accomplish personal goals. Rather than abandon goals altogether, I've had to modify them to fit with the needs and schedule of my family. It can be frustrating at times- but I know that I cannot do and be everything at one time. I know there are seasons of life and having babies and young children is a pretty intense period of life for all moms, whatever your work schedule is or isn't.

I'm like any mom (or person) who finds herself struggling with 'satisfaction' or feelings of personal achievement in my daily life. It is an oddly common theme in life- we often find what we dreamed about, longed for, and worked towards to be somehow less fulfilling than we imagined. I think we all long for purpose and significance in our lives and when we find ourselves 'tired' of our tasks it is easy to lose sight of the reason we do them.

I run for a lot of reasons and over the past few years, I've run less for speed than for sanity and fitness. I enjoy training for races and setting time goals and pushing my body to do what it hasn't yet done, but....... I don't live to run. I don't live to for any one thing or accomplishment. I don't live to make money, I don't live to for food, although I really enjoy most food. What I live for is glory. Not my glory, but the glory of a living in honor to God.

That changes my goals and affects the choices I make. Because my primary purpose is not 'Meredith's personal happiness', but loving God and loving others, I make my goals fit into those parameters. Of course this is 'ideal' - but our ideas- the ones we hold on to- change and shape us and eventually define us.

I guess I am thinking about this because I have recently discovered that we are expecting our second child. We are thrilled- I am thrilled, but I have to change my running goals again- I didn't get to run a 1/2 marathon this summer, I didn't even get to run a short race this year. It was part of my 'plan' as I turn 30 later in 2008.

I enjoyed running through my pregnancy with Leo, and so far, running with this little one has been just fine. In stead of setting speed goals and distance goals, I'm adjusting and running for fitness and fun! Goals are great, but if they don't fit into the big picture.... they need to be changed!

Rat Tails

At this point in our lives, vacations are centered on visits with family and friends. While we are okay with this, there is a part of us that longs to choose an exciting, adventurous vacation destination.

Instead, this summer, we are making various stops in Indiana, with a fun week a lake with cousins as the final destination. We've packed our bikes with child seat, jogging stroller that only partially folds, toys, cooler, tent, sleeping bags, and our juicer. It is a full load.

While we are at Grandpa and Grandma Marquell's home, we are taking advantage of the eager built in babysitting and going for runs together without pushing the stroller. This is a farming community and pretty old town. Some of the houses were built in the 1800 and aren't necessarily preserved. As we were running along on our way out into the country yesterday, I spotted a strange shape coming out of a second story window... it was the lower half of a rather large rat. I was too amazed to be totally disgusted.

Sometimes you see things you wouldn't otherwise when you run, and sometimes they aren't really what you want to see. I hope no one lives in that house anymore, if they do... they need to run by and look up. If you are reading this, I am sure you will either choose to avert your eyes next time you run by an old, nearly dilapidated house, or you will look up out of curiosity. Maybe you'll see something charming. I hope so. Next time I know I will look, but this morning I requested an alternate running route. One doesn't need to see rat tails everyday.

Heavy Legs

My husband has been on vacation, so we've been doing a little family biking which really works our legs differently from running. The result: heavy legs when we run. I'm not a fan of the feeling- mainly because one of the things I enjoy about running is feeling light as move across the ground. It is usually a freeing feeling. Heavy legs make me feel like each step is an effort.

Some days are like that too I guess. I've become increasingly aware of the way I act according to how I feel as I witness my son's day-to-day moods. There are some days in which delight marks each activity, that lunch time is met with a cheer for 'noonays' (noodles) and a 'woah, yea' for carrot-apple-something juice. Other days, he seems to have 'heavy legs' and drags. He plops on the ground in frustration over one thing or another- the wrong cup for his beverage, the playdoh can't be on the carpet and so on.

With Leo, I am learning that many things affect him and while he might struggle one day for reasons I do not entirely understand, the next day is a new day...and most likely, he'll feel better after a good night sleep. Running with heavy legs might be miserable at the time, but I know that tomorrow will come and that with rest... my next run will probably feel a lot better too.

When you just don't feel like it.

Feelings move us: to something or away from something (or someone for that matter). Feelings set a tone for our day, they affect the way we work, the way we interact with our family, friends, colleagues, and strangers. Feelings are so important that we have found ways to medicate them to a manageable level. Feelings are at times inspiring, beautiful, exhilarating, moving, terrifying, overwhelming, depressing, and devastating. Feelings are valid and legitimate and other times they are ludicrous and deceiving. Simply put, feelings are volatile.

It isn't any shock that I (we) tend to do what we feel like doing and we struggle to do what we don't feel like doing. On my 'to-do' list, I do find a lot of things that I would rather not do, but that I don't mind doing; a few things that I love to do, usually; and one or two things that I never feel like doing, ever. It is funny how even the things that I intellectually want to do, I find myself not 'feeling' like doing. I always want to run- I love being outside and moving. However, somedays I don't feel like going. There are always reasons for this feeling. The heat, the rain, the time, and so on. However, I find that after a mile or two, this feeling usually fades, especially if it was one of those unwarranted, invalid feelings.

For me... this is where running coaches me on living. I run, not because I feel like it always, but because I want (desire ) to run. I play with Play Doh, not because I always feel like it, but because I want (desire) to play with Play Doh with my son. This is a daily thing for me--do I let my feelings control my actions or do I direct my feelings to follow the 'plan of action'.

So, when I just don't feel like it, I have to ask myself.... what do I really want? Do I really want to run..... YES!!!

Just One More Cup of Coffee

There is a lot to be said for routine. It is great for our son who understands that bath time leads to story time which leads to bed time. He has recently begun rejecting bath time and tries to engage us in all sorts of other activities instead. I laugh a little at him knowing how much he enjoys playing in the water and how each step leading to bed time is fun for him.

I'm somewhat the same on days when I've got one reason or another to slow down the 'routine'. I usually do this by telling myself that I'll have one more cup of coffee and then I'll get started. Whether the getting started is cleaning house or heading out for a run, I cling to the 'coffee stage' of my routine as long as possible.

Coffee or caffeine of any kind is a funny thing. Sure it gives our bodies a jolt, but it doesn't last. In fact, I find myself much more alert and energized if I don't linger over that 'one more cup' but jump into the tasks at han with focus and determination. Admittedly, it can take a huge amount of determination to self motivate some days, but I always find that the results are worth every ounce of effort. Maybe tomorrow I won't waste my time lingering over one more cup!

What about today?

This is truly a beautiful day. I've been up since 5 am and still haven't made it out for a run, but we've been busy. Some days are like that. I made time before I got ready for the day to do my abdominal routine and push ups, but felt that playing with my son after bringing him along to my meeting and errands was more important that loading him into the running stroller. We spent a while running around the park and swimming in the pool. Something about all that totally exhausted him as he nearly fell asleep eating his lunch.

So, I've been reading this week about love. Loving your neighbor as your self is the summary of the commandments according to Romans 13. I've read this many times, and understand it when it is discussed theoretically. Of course it is loving to 'not commit murder' or 'not commit adultery' or ' not steal'. Of course it means that I should think of how the other person might feel as I contemplate my actions. I guess that is just it... taking time to think about how my words, plans, actions might impact my 'neighbor'. I wouldn't normally think of my son as fitting into this category, but really... he does. He is most affected by the choices I make. Some days circumstances and commitments are such that it is important to just play- to run with him, to enjoy a break from my training to get down with him and focus on his delight first. Running is important, but so is rest. I usually don't plan my resting day because I know that days like today happen at least once a week. Who knows, maybe we will run later today, but if not, we will play catch, run across the lawn, jump in the pool and enjoy activity at a toddler pace. Hey- that can be pretty exhausting as well!

So, enjoy a day off and find delight in serving some 'neighbor's' need!

"I'm going"

Misty Mornings can be beautiful and sometimes more easily admired from a window. This morning the wind was violently brushing the trees and heavy clouds barred the sunrise from view. I contemplated how much more enjoyable my run might be should I wait for the clouds to burn off and the sun to warm the air a bit. I have plenty of ways to fill the quiet time before the rest of my family stirs.... plenty of ways to enjoy a quiet misty morning without lacing up a bracing chilly, windy, wet air.

However, this was one of the rare mornings that I had plans to meet a friend. Her text msg gave me the motivation I needed to get moving... all it said was "I'm going". It is a pretty simple sentence, very basic, very generic but powerful all the same. It means: whatever the obstacles, whatever the alternatives, this is what I am doing now- I am going. I am not waiting, I am not watching, I am not sleeping, I am not stopping. I am going.

We have choices every moment of every day- we can 'go'- that is accomplish what we planned to do, intended to do, hoped to do, want to do, believe we should do, or we can 'wait' until the winds subside, until there is better light, until we feel more into it, until the circumstances are perfect. Sometimes those circumstances we'd like to ignore actually make the 'going' even better. Today.... that was the case. Fresh, clean smelling air, light misty wind, and a friend to share the miles made the going great.

Hope you get 'going' today too!

Successful Running as Summer begins

Today I had no choice but to run early with my son. I mentioned 'no choice' because now that a summer is upon us, school is out of session, the days are longer, and my schedule is even more flexible. I could run at 5 am or wait until dusk should that be my preference. However, I find that a schedule or plan actually increases the success of turning my running intentions into reality.

The forecast called for mighty thunderstorms through the early afternoon into the evening. We loaded up in the jogging stroller, small bubble container in one little hand and Colts cap in the other. Leo is gaining a great affinity for his running stroller as he now understands that it is his transportation to the local park. Had I ignored the weather channel, well, I probably would have missed a run today and disappointed my son's daily desire for fun at the park.

Success often depends on predicting the future!