Summer Delights

There is nothing better than a laughing, happy child, and summer time offers so many wonderful opportunities for delighting our nearly two year old. From chasing bubbles, to playing in our pool, to running through sprinkler's and fountains, Leo has found sheer pleasure in the most simple things.

As far as I can tell, Leo is running and enjoying every second of it. In fact, one of his favorite games is to 'race'.

So, what happens between the time when running is a playful childhood 'sport' and the time when somewhere in adulthood running becomes 'work' and not a fun game anymore? I'll admit, there are days when running feels like work and something I do because I know it is good for me and will improve my state of mind. However, very few of us can force ourselves to do something we truly dislike for decades.

Maybe all of us runners find something in running that does remind us a little of the delight we found in racing, chasing, and running through sprinklers. If I have a choice, I'll always run for 'fun'.

Great Runs- now or never

Over the past few days I have enjoyed some pretty wonderful early morning runs. As this is my second pregnancy, I expect to struggle through this first trimester with running. I recall feeling so tired that I would run 5 minutes and then walk, run 10 minutes and then walk for most of my workouts until I reached my second trimester. Well, thanks to Leo, I cannot choose to sleep in (6:30 am) and run later in the day because not only is it too hot for me to enjoy, but I would not put Leo in the stroller and run in the heat we've been experiencing.

So, while it is complicated to be pregnant with a toddler, I'm finding that I am making choices that have actually improved my pregnancy experience so far. It is a good example of how responsibility can improve the quality of life. While I had a lot more 'freedom' when I was pregnant the first time (even working 60+ hours a week), my freedom wasn't all that freeing since I often put things off because I was tired or didn't feel well. I'm tired, and I don't often feel great, but now I know that the opportunity to do something is lost when I put it off. It is now or never...

So, flexibility is great, but too much flexibility can hinder our daily goals and thus our quality of life.

Revisiting Goals

So, I've revised my running goals a number of times over the past few years. I've found that there are plenty of circumstances as a mother that affect one's ability to accomplish personal goals. Rather than abandon goals altogether, I've had to modify them to fit with the needs and schedule of my family. It can be frustrating at times- but I know that I cannot do and be everything at one time. I know there are seasons of life and having babies and young children is a pretty intense period of life for all moms, whatever your work schedule is or isn't.

I'm like any mom (or person) who finds herself struggling with 'satisfaction' or feelings of personal achievement in my daily life. It is an oddly common theme in life- we often find what we dreamed about, longed for, and worked towards to be somehow less fulfilling than we imagined. I think we all long for purpose and significance in our lives and when we find ourselves 'tired' of our tasks it is easy to lose sight of the reason we do them.

I run for a lot of reasons and over the past few years, I've run less for speed than for sanity and fitness. I enjoy training for races and setting time goals and pushing my body to do what it hasn't yet done, but....... I don't live to run. I don't live to for any one thing or accomplishment. I don't live to make money, I don't live to for food, although I really enjoy most food. What I live for is glory. Not my glory, but the glory of a living in honor to God.

That changes my goals and affects the choices I make. Because my primary purpose is not 'Meredith's personal happiness', but loving God and loving others, I make my goals fit into those parameters. Of course this is 'ideal' - but our ideas- the ones we hold on to- change and shape us and eventually define us.

I guess I am thinking about this because I have recently discovered that we are expecting our second child. We are thrilled- I am thrilled, but I have to change my running goals again- I didn't get to run a 1/2 marathon this summer, I didn't even get to run a short race this year. It was part of my 'plan' as I turn 30 later in 2008.

I enjoyed running through my pregnancy with Leo, and so far, running with this little one has been just fine. In stead of setting speed goals and distance goals, I'm adjusting and running for fitness and fun! Goals are great, but if they don't fit into the big picture.... they need to be changed!

Rat Tails

At this point in our lives, vacations are centered on visits with family and friends. While we are okay with this, there is a part of us that longs to choose an exciting, adventurous vacation destination.

Instead, this summer, we are making various stops in Indiana, with a fun week a lake with cousins as the final destination. We've packed our bikes with child seat, jogging stroller that only partially folds, toys, cooler, tent, sleeping bags, and our juicer. It is a full load.

While we are at Grandpa and Grandma Marquell's home, we are taking advantage of the eager built in babysitting and going for runs together without pushing the stroller. This is a farming community and pretty old town. Some of the houses were built in the 1800 and aren't necessarily preserved. As we were running along on our way out into the country yesterday, I spotted a strange shape coming out of a second story window... it was the lower half of a rather large rat. I was too amazed to be totally disgusted.

Sometimes you see things you wouldn't otherwise when you run, and sometimes they aren't really what you want to see. I hope no one lives in that house anymore, if they do... they need to run by and look up. If you are reading this, I am sure you will either choose to avert your eyes next time you run by an old, nearly dilapidated house, or you will look up out of curiosity. Maybe you'll see something charming. I hope so. Next time I know I will look, but this morning I requested an alternate running route. One doesn't need to see rat tails everyday.

Heavy Legs

My husband has been on vacation, so we've been doing a little family biking which really works our legs differently from running. The result: heavy legs when we run. I'm not a fan of the feeling- mainly because one of the things I enjoy about running is feeling light as move across the ground. It is usually a freeing feeling. Heavy legs make me feel like each step is an effort.

Some days are like that too I guess. I've become increasingly aware of the way I act according to how I feel as I witness my son's day-to-day moods. There are some days in which delight marks each activity, that lunch time is met with a cheer for 'noonays' (noodles) and a 'woah, yea' for carrot-apple-something juice. Other days, he seems to have 'heavy legs' and drags. He plops on the ground in frustration over one thing or another- the wrong cup for his beverage, the playdoh can't be on the carpet and so on.

With Leo, I am learning that many things affect him and while he might struggle one day for reasons I do not entirely understand, the next day is a new day...and most likely, he'll feel better after a good night sleep. Running with heavy legs might be miserable at the time, but I know that tomorrow will come and that with rest... my next run will probably feel a lot better too.

When you just don't feel like it.

Feelings move us: to something or away from something (or someone for that matter). Feelings set a tone for our day, they affect the way we work, the way we interact with our family, friends, colleagues, and strangers. Feelings are so important that we have found ways to medicate them to a manageable level. Feelings are at times inspiring, beautiful, exhilarating, moving, terrifying, overwhelming, depressing, and devastating. Feelings are valid and legitimate and other times they are ludicrous and deceiving. Simply put, feelings are volatile.

It isn't any shock that I (we) tend to do what we feel like doing and we struggle to do what we don't feel like doing. On my 'to-do' list, I do find a lot of things that I would rather not do, but that I don't mind doing; a few things that I love to do, usually; and one or two things that I never feel like doing, ever. It is funny how even the things that I intellectually want to do, I find myself not 'feeling' like doing. I always want to run- I love being outside and moving. However, somedays I don't feel like going. There are always reasons for this feeling. The heat, the rain, the time, and so on. However, I find that after a mile or two, this feeling usually fades, especially if it was one of those unwarranted, invalid feelings.

For me... this is where running coaches me on living. I run, not because I feel like it always, but because I want (desire ) to run. I play with Play Doh, not because I always feel like it, but because I want (desire) to play with Play Doh with my son. This is a daily thing for me--do I let my feelings control my actions or do I direct my feelings to follow the 'plan of action'.

So, when I just don't feel like it, I have to ask myself.... what do I really want? Do I really want to run..... YES!!!

Just One More Cup of Coffee

There is a lot to be said for routine. It is great for our son who understands that bath time leads to story time which leads to bed time. He has recently begun rejecting bath time and tries to engage us in all sorts of other activities instead. I laugh a little at him knowing how much he enjoys playing in the water and how each step leading to bed time is fun for him.

I'm somewhat the same on days when I've got one reason or another to slow down the 'routine'. I usually do this by telling myself that I'll have one more cup of coffee and then I'll get started. Whether the getting started is cleaning house or heading out for a run, I cling to the 'coffee stage' of my routine as long as possible.

Coffee or caffeine of any kind is a funny thing. Sure it gives our bodies a jolt, but it doesn't last. In fact, I find myself much more alert and energized if I don't linger over that 'one more cup' but jump into the tasks at han with focus and determination. Admittedly, it can take a huge amount of determination to self motivate some days, but I always find that the results are worth every ounce of effort. Maybe tomorrow I won't waste my time lingering over one more cup!